Two high school seniors rush down to their English teacher’s classroom with a major problem. Each member of the graduating class would wear either a blue or white gown during the upcoming ceremony. Traditionally, a girl would wear white and a boy would wear blue. But, since that particular high school reflected its community’s progressive and nonsexist personality, the girls usually ended up wearing blue, too. No traditional gender roles for these girls.
But these two good young feminists had a problem: they preferred the white gowns. They just liked them better. Their English teacher didn’t even laugh when she reassured them that yes, feminists can wear white robes to graduation without compromising their ideals. Don’t let that traditional white robe fool you. Or the lipstick–they liked lipstick, pretty dresses, boys, playing field hockey, lacrosse, and softball, speaking out in class (or anywhere else), boys, their Women’s Collective group, doing their hair, and, well, more boys. But finding two stronger girls, even when in their pinkest lipstick and prettiest dress, would be difficult.
Fast-forward ten years to one of those girls, now with a baby, and now leaving her job to stay home with him. Then two babies, a cul-de-sac, a suburb, and then a minivan . . . She’s wearing that white robe again–she looks like that same ol’ “happy housewife” from the commercials for dishwashing detergent. But she’s not. No more than those high school girls fit into any easy gender stereotype.
Feminist can be quite a loaded term–it’s much more convenient for some people to pinpoint “feminists” as people who look and act and live a certain way. What’s the stereotype these days anyway? The cliché of the unshaven legs and shaven head? A man-hater? For people who are exasperated, angry, or bemused by the idea of feminism, it’s much easier to have an image like that because it cuts our numbers and makes a “feminist” an “other.” Definitely no feminists in that group–look at them with their double strollers and minivans. That would be a mistake. Some feminists are out there pushing strollers–and probably raising more feminists.
Preach!!
If people would just look up the various but (mostly) quite simple definitions of feminism that are out there, they would realize that it isn’t complicated or radical at all. It’s just human decency.
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I’m working on raising two myself.
That’s the curse of labels.
The most extreme form of whatever is labeled will be used by the media to represent the term. It’s more polarizing that way. They wouldn’t want anyone making reasonable decisions based on reason or logic. Hate and emotion get much better ratings.
The labels get all tied to other things and weighed down with emotional baggage until you have one meaning, as a member, but most outsiders have seen the name tied to something else which leads to a totally different association.
Communist is a perfect example. Look at the depth and breadth of kinds of communism. Then look at how communism was portrayed by our media and by the Soviet Union (which didn’t really practice Marxist Communism).
What you are claiming in your mind can be very different from what others perceive your claim to be.
Maybe that matters, maybe it doesn’t.
Will
Well said, all.
I remember back in the early 90′s, after Gorbachev modernized Russia and all the commentators droned on and on about the failure of communism. I was like, what? How can the definition of an economic theory fail? That was just one example, prone to change and correction. In fact, aren’t we finding that the most successful nations are just that – flexible.
Just like feminism. We need to accept all the different flavors of feminists, while staying true to our foundation. Trouble is, many folks are fine with the “blues” and “whites,” they just don’t like those pesky greys. That’s what makes ‘em think. And sometimes thinking hurts your head!
Thanks for making me think, Marjorie. Painfully delicious.
Whenever I hear people talk about what ‘feminists’ say or do (and it’s so often in the negative) it riles me – as mentioned above, there’s so much diversity. Diversity not just within feminism but within ourselves as feminists. Sometimes I’ve not shaved my legs as a political statement and other times they are smooth (usually, though, I’m just too lazy to do anything about hair); sometimes I think porn’s okay, other times it seems exploitative; sometimes I worry about the kids wearing so much pink and wanting fairy paraphenalia, other times it just doesn’t seem that important. But I’m always feminist.
Enjoyed your post and loved the comments, esp Kris, that was great.
Well said, Kris!
I loved this post. It’s been on my mind, this Feminist thing. I actually love the label because I know what it means to me. I feel good owning it and standing behind it in the face of anyone. But not everyone agrees with what my personal definition is. It’s sort of like my being Jewish which I love yet there are Orthodox Jews that might not consider me to be. But I consider myself to be because I know what it means to me.
I like my feminism and my Judiasm to be accessible as well as strong.
This blog and others have been so helpful for me in terms of taking my feminist temperature. Seeing where I stand and where I bend.