I was pushing the stroller along the sidewalk one morning last week. I made a right turn into my neighborhood from the main street. Suddenly, I hear a truck pull up next to me. I turn, sure this is finally the kidnapper that I have been ready for, and about to go into stab-his-eyes-with-my-keys mode, when a large man with a scraggly head of hair and beard leans over and yells, “Don’t care about anyone but yourself, do you, bitch?” before screeching away.
I don’t have a clue why. I perhaps slowed him from making the turn because he had to wait for me? He certainly wasn’t there when I looked both ways, and then again, before turning.
I was just about paralyzed with shock, and managed to force my mouth closed when the “F#*& YOU!” was begging to go screaming out of me. I didn’t want to retort, get confrontational, yell back, do anything that would further upset the two little guys in the stroller. My mind was already getting ready to explain, lamely, “Well, boys, some people are so very angry that they are mean to other people. What else could this man have done when he was feeling so angry? What do you think is making him feel so angry? Can anyone think of a reason why Mommy should not follow him home and break his windshield with a bat?”
I’m always trying to figure out the balance between what I really want to do and what would be the best example. Now, it’s probably best that any temptation I had to engage this nasty man was tempered by the presence of my kids. A person who would scream like this at a mother walking around with two little kids is probably someone I should just get away from. Not that I need any protected-species status since I have kids–I can take whatever this scumbag can dish–but to do what he did in front of little kids? It forces me to go into protective-mode–get them away from this guy and try to temper what they’ve seen and heard with some explanation and comfort.
I take a deep breath, put the brakes on the stroller, and go to pull back the sun shield, thinking I will see two pairs of tear-filled eyes . . . and they’re asleep. Damn it. I whispered-screamed a resounding “F#*& YOU!” in the direction of the dust cloud that was all that remained of the truck.
Doesn’t it make you crazy? Whenever someone is a jerk like that I always think – God, what if my Mother had just died or I had just been diagnosed with some terrible illness or something and some stranger peed all over me like that. Why do we have to be so awful to each other? Of course it says much more about him than about you, but still — we really don’t know the strangers we encounter, what pain or joy or fear they might be hiding. It’s actually just a good reminder to be a little more gentle with everyone (Especially when they are pushing a stroller, that holds kids who might find that scary asshat!).
As a side bar – the other morning, I was driving Thing 1 to school and I made an apology gesture to another driver.
T1: Why did you do that?
Me: Well, I was driving poorly and I wanted to apologize.
T1: What does driving poorly mean?
Me: Well, I went my turn, when it really wasn’t my turn.
(long, long pause)
T1: The other day, someone was driving so, so, so poorly that Dad had to roll the window all the way down and scream, “LEARN HOW TO DRIVE!!!”
har har har — sorry, I’ll go back to my own blog now.
I think that’s just awful behaviour, not to you as a mother but to you as a person (and then made worse by being frightening in front of kids). I think your ideal conversation with your boys is really appropriate but how much more satisfying to be able to say, “Kids, that man is a DICK!” because, you know, I’m all for telling kids the truth. Ha, if only.
That experience SUCKS. I am so glad they were asleep. Don’t worry if your F U wasn’t loud enough, that psycho is only going to have bad things happen to him going through life like that.
I give the finger to dangerous drivers regularly. So far, Bean is oblivious.
Mom, that’s so funny. Kids won’t let us get away with anything. I never realized that I swore so much until my child could talk.
Kris, I humbly admit that what you mentioned (“That man is a dick!”) is probably more in line with what I would have said, ultra-understanding, lovey-dovey plans aside.
Bianca–the finger! Of course! I think it eluded me at the time because of the enormous stroller that I had to keep control of. If I keep the stroller sun shade up, that will work perfectly. My new plan.
When our son was 2. I had him at a pond and for whatever reason this fish didn’t swim off when we came up. So I decided I might be able to hold him by the ankles and slowly lower him down so he could touch a live fish in the wild.
The plan worked and he touched the fish which then took off.
I set him down and the first words out of his mouth were- “Oh my f#@$ing God I just touched a fish.”
It was classic but seems to have curtailed my wife’s cursing some.
Will — rotfwtime. Thanks so much for that!
Ah you made it all worthwhile by writing such a captivating and amusing post about it. I just loved these comments it provoked here too.
Here’s my latest public confrontation story…
I saw a mother slumped back asleep in a parked car the other day and her baby was in the back seat crying. I slowed down as I walked past thinking should I go and wake her and see that she is ok, or should I stand here a while and just see if she stirs herself. In that time she woke up and saw me and gave me the finger. Obviously she felt gawked at or something. I called out “I was just seeing if you were ok” but she was too angry to pay attention.
I don’t know what I took away from that experience but I felt annoyed at the general hostility everyone feels in public.
I didn’t mean that you were part of the general hostility in public places.. I meant your lovely truck driver, hope that last comment of mine didn’t read badly.
Very, very funny, Will! A remarkably similar story happened with us to put an end to my foul-mouthed days.
bluemilk, I would have been so thrilled to think that someone was looking out for my safety and for my child. What a totally weird reaction she had. (Also, I didn’t think you meant I was hostile–although my secretive whispered curse to the truck driver would have been quite venomous if anyone had actually heard it…)
I’m not very often comfortable right off the bat when I read a new blog…at least not comfortable enough to pipe up and say basically nothing. Except, what a f*cking jackass mfghhp.
I like your style.
later.
You tell them.
Perhaps these guys wouldn’t have been so forgiving
http://thewayweseeit.wordpress.com/2007/11/02/brats-muppets-sprogs-that-go-bad/
Dang. He deserved F$&K You and the finger. And a tire slashing too. Maybe we all need a mama superhero to go after guys like that.
You are a MOTHER pushing two other little beings around like ROYALTY, CARING for every NEED they have….I’d have shouted back, “You have me confused with YOUR MOTHER!!!!”