August, 2009

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Happy Birthday?

Monday, August 17th, 2009

To celebrate his first birthday last week, Hot Fireshot accomplished all of this by 8:00 am.

1. He held the cord from my iPod speakers and swung it around like a lasso.  It’s broken now.

2. He grabbed the power cord from the computer.  The computer smashed on the floor and the monitor was destroyed.  I tried to take a picture, but I couldn’t bear to.

3. He tugged the camera off of the table, so that it, too, smashed on the floor.  But it’s FINE.  So THERE, baby.  Nice try.

I was holding or wearing this child for two of these events.  I was changing his diaper during the third.  Impressive, yes?

Thanks a Lot, National Geographic

Tuesday, August 11th, 2009

“Are you showing off, Mom?”

“Am I what?” I had just done a jerky off-balance twist move to check out the back of my ankle after I felt something jab me. “No, no, I am not showing off. I think I just felt a mosquito bite me. I was just looking. That’s all.”

“Oh. I thought you were showing off to attract a mate.”

***

Upon further questioning, it turns out that my movements were evocative of a bird of paradise’s mating ritual.  Quite a compliment, really.

The Lonely Cupcake

Monday, August 10th, 2009

This is a picture of the baby’s first birthday party.

cupcake

But where is the baby?

Upstairs, asleep.  He nodded off an hour before and missed the whole thing.

A Walking Stereotype

Thursday, August 6th, 2009

Not even a walking stereotype.  I’m a hair-twirling, gum-snapping stereotype.  My conversational style sinks to Valley Girl, and I think I might emit a high pitched nervous giggle or two.

That’s a description of me talking to a mechanic.  In the shop or on the phone (when I also get to shush a baby in the background or lift a crying toddler out of the toilet, too, just to pile stereotype upon stereotype).

All the car places we’ve gone to have had only men working there.  That is not what makes me uncomfortable, it’s that combined with my utter lack of knowledge about cars.  I’m pretty quick–if I wanted to know about cars, I would probably know something.  But I really hate cars.  So when the car guy calls me and starts talking about sway bars or belts or axles or even tires, I’m lost.  I’m the stereotypical girl who doesn’t know anything about cars.  Who says things like, “Hi, um, what was that thing you said?  The tilting thing?  The bar thing?  Y’know?  That thing?”  Which is what I had to call and say when I couldn’t remember the name of the thing that I was trying to google so I would know what the thing was.  I heard myself and was not happy.

I’m almost at the point of looking for a class for this kind of thing.  But I really do hate cars.

flo

S’More

Wednesday, August 5th, 2009

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Hasselhoff. Hazel Hasselhoff.

Monday, August 3rd, 2009

Martin and Chris have discovered my brother’s cache of old toys and are fascinated by them.  I remember so many of them–like the action figures he kept under his pillow and called:  “My men.”  As in his famous quote at about three years old when he found out what college was:  “I don’t want to go to college.  I want to stay here and play with my men.”

Of particular interest is the car from the old show Knight Rider with the accompanying David Hasselhoff action figure.  Although I was a bit disturbed seeing my little boys play with a miniature David Hasselhoff, I shrugged and introduced them anyway. “Guys, this is David Hasselhoff.  Can you say David Hasselhoff, Chris?”

“Hazel Hasselhoff!”

And Hazel Hasselhoff it is.

hazelhasselhoff

As in, “Steve, come quickly!  Hazel Hasselhoff rescued a baby croc who was captured by a poacher and needs your help because he got injured!  Get Bindi and bring the helicopter!”

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And, “Steve, come quickly!  The baby is eating Hazel Hasselhoff’s head!”