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Happy Birthday?

Monday, August 17th, 2009

To celebrate his first birthday last week, Hot Fireshot accomplished all of this by 8:00 am.

1. He held the cord from my iPod speakers and swung it around like a lasso. It’s broken now.

2. He grabbed the power cord from the computer. The computer smashed on the floor and the monitor was destroyed. I tried to take a picture, but I couldn’t bear to.

3. He tugged the camera off of the table, so that it, too, smashed on the floor. But it’s FINE. So THERE, baby. Nice try.

I was holding or wearing this child for two of these events. I was changing his diaper during the third. Impressive, yes?

Posted in children, family | 13 Responses »
Tags: babies are tricky, birthday, destruction, Hot Fireshot

The Lonely Cupcake

Monday, August 10th, 2009

This is a picture of the baby’s first birthday party.

cupcake

But where is the baby?

Upstairs, asleep. He nodded off an hour before and missed the whole thing.

Posted in children, family, holidays, parenting, sleeping | 7 Responses »
Tags: baby, birthday, cupcake, first birthday, Hot Fireshot

S’More

Wednesday, August 5th, 2009

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Posted in Wordless Wednesday, family, photos | 5 Responses »
Tags: food, photo, s'more, Wordless Wednesday

A mark of confidence in your child’s school is the willingness to have his wailing self pried from your head by a man who is essentially a stranger to you while you, with goofy forced cheeriness chirp, “I love you! Have a great day,” and then go jogging across the parking lot to your car (since you had to get out of the car pool line and park when your child, instead of hopping out of the car like he does every other day, jumped in the back of the minivan and hid under empty liquor store boxes that you were going to use to pack books up that morning)–where even with the doors closed and windows up, you can still hear your kid crying for you. Until the two year old starts to cry for his brother, and then wakes up the 2 month old, who realizes that he has not nursed at all in ten minutes and screams at you.

A mark of confidence in the parents and teachers at your child’s school is a singular lack of self-consciousness when you make an unflattering surprise appearance at the morning car pool line. Instead of staying safely in your car (no one was supposed to see you, damn it!) while wearing the most hideous items from your closet (a maternity top–and you’re not goddamned pregnant anymore!), if you can skip across the parking lot, in full view of every single person in line, oily hair flapping in the wind, shoeless feet padding on the concrete…the bra-less wonder holding the inexplicably sobbing four-year-old wrapped around your neck…with no fear of judgement from the other adults, then you, my friend, have picked the right school.

Posted in breastfeeding, children, education, family, parenting, preschool, public parenting | 6 Responses »
Tags: children, crying, school, teachers

To 20 Year Old Marjorie

Monday, April 7th, 2008

I can feel you watching me, hear the stifled giggle, and am fully aware of just how pathetic you think I am that I get this thrill from leaving my house in the evening to go by myself to a coffee shop to write on a laptop for an hour or two… Pretty exciting, right?

How do you like this, then: When I see a little toddler run by, I kind of miss my kids already, who are sprinting, wildly laughing, around their father’s legs in the kitchen while he tries to make them dinner.

(Don’t miss them enough to leave yet, though.)

Posted in children, family, freedom, home with children, love, mothering | 8 Responses »

My Kitchen is Spotless

Monday, March 24th, 2008

Trying to get my kids to pick up their toys and put them in the basket usually involves various manipulations: “How many can you put away in the time I count to ten?!” “Who can put the books away the fastest?” and, the unfortunate, “I swear, I will throw all of these out in five seconds if you don’t put them away–here I am going to get a trash bag! Seriously, here I go! I’ll do it!”

But when they saw me scrubbing the kitchen molding with a toothbrush, you would have thought that I was eating fistfuls of jellybeans. “Please, me do that?!” “Mine, mine?” and “Can I help? Can I have a toothbrush? Can I do this part, too? Look at how clean I got this!” And the next day: “Can we clean with toothbrushes again?! Please?!”

Damn right you can…but do you know how weird you guys are?

And two little vacuum cleaners have whipped these children into a daily cleaning frenzy. The dog doesn’t even have time to coat the kitchen floor with fur since these guys have started their vacuuming obsession.

Not that I don’t love this…but I still think they’re weird.

Although…not really. It’s remarkable how sometimes I see something as a chore while they see an interesting task–pulling weeds, washing the car, picking up sticks from the lawn… I’m really buying into the “practical life” part of the Montessori school that Martin will go to next year after watching them.

I vaguely remember thinking how cute the flashing-light-colorful-plastic toys were when Martin was a baby until he showed me that they might interest him for a minute, but a shovel and some dirt, some soapy water–or a vacuum cleaner–is where it’s at.

Posted in family, home-ly duties, parenting | 7 Responses »

Quirks? What Quirks?

Friday, March 21st, 2008

You pegged us, bluemilk–we’ve got quirks. Thanks for tagging me for this meme. I should be writing down my kids’ quirks all the time–I think I’ll never forget this stuff, but then I do…

Right now, our quirkiness includes…

1. Chris says “crocogator” for crocodile and for alligator. Crocodiles are discussed ad nauseum in our house, and never once have I heard him say anything but crocogator. I use the word myself without thinking sometimes…

2. The reason we talk about crocodiles so much is that Martin fancies himself a “creature adventurer.” Every day, he dresses himself in “creature-adventuring” gear; he’ll change to everyday clothes before we go somewhere, and as soon as we come in the back door, he steps into the bathroom to quick-change back to creature-adventurer. A creature-adventuring outfit includes animal-themed shorts and shirts, a giant backpack, creature-adventuring sandals, and often, flippers and a diving mask. Flashlights, sunglasses, nets, a raincoat, and/or head lamps often complete the look.

*Creature-adventure is a term coined by his creature-adventuring heroes–Martin and Chris Kratt of PBS’s Zooboomafoo and their Be the Creature DVD. And I guess this is an insight into one of my quirks–I have either named my children after Martin and Chris Kratt, or I have commandeered their names for my kids’ blog-names…you decide…

3. Martin vehemently refuses balloons whenever one if offered–then explains that he’s concerned an animal will eat it and choke.

4. Martin’s animal obsession and Chris’ car obsession clash when we’re in the car; Chris yells, “Go cars!” at the passing vehicles, but then Martin yells, “Go animals!” and glares at Chris. An increasingly hostile shouting match breaks out: “Go CARS!” “Go ANIMALS!” They usually wear themselves out; I’m still too dumbfounded by how weird this is to intervene.

5. They both want to wear their boots all the time. All the time. Shorts, t-shirts…and boots. Pajamas…and boots. 90 degrees out? Boots.

6. Martin considers poachers to be responsible for all of the evil in this world. If he sees a truck go by filled with logs–poachers are killing trees. A plastic bottle floating in the pond means that poachers have been littering…

I love hearing about kids’ quirks. I’m going to ask….Radical Mama, Up Popped a Fox, and not that I don’t love my kids…if they’d care to do this. I hope so, because I know we’ll enjoy more stories about hairy butts, cake-salad, and swearing three year olds…(you know who you are!).

Posted in family, meme, nature, parenting | 6 Responses »

Give Them 30 Seconds…

Wednesday, March 5th, 2008

I was quite sick this morning. So as I am literally getting sick, this is what I hear:

“Mom, can I have some grapes now?”

“Mom? Grapes? Me, too!” I feel a tug on my shirt. A more insistent tug.

Then the computer keys start getting pounded.

Then I hear papers ripping.

I’m helpless–but only for seconds. They seem to know I am helpless. More papers rip. More fervent computer keyboard pounding.

Then they’re both behind me, doing something to the back of my pants. What the hell are they doing? I hear: “Tail! Tail!” They scamper away.

They’ve accomplished so much in these seconds, and when I finally straighten up and turn around, I see two little boys holding hands, spinning in a circle, singing Ring Around the Rosy. The picture of suspicious innocence. And I have a mylar balloon floating out of the back of my pants.

Posted in family, parenting, pregnancy | 8 Responses »

Care For a Glass of Cat Pee?

Friday, February 15th, 2008

Two year old Chris talks to everyone, all the time; whether the person is already talking, sleeping, or it’s not a person at all. He’s more intent on being understood and understanding us now, too, and doesn’t give up until it makes sense. But I could swear, sometimes, that he might be messing with us.

Me: “Oh, no, don’t drink that, honey, it has caffeine.”

Chris (aghast, yet somewhat thrilled): “Cat pee?!?!”

“Caffeine.”

“Cat FEET?!?!”

“Ca. Feeeennne.”

“Cat PEE?!”

“Say ‘Ca’.”

“Ca.”

“FEEN.”

“There you go! Caffeine!”

“CAT POOP?!”

“Hmmm. Yeah, cat poop. It’s gross; don’t drink it.”

Posted in family, parenting, toddler wisdom, words | 5 Responses »

Voting…or Boating

Tuesday, February 12th, 2008

This is a day of failed hopes and dreams, and near-tearful disappointment.

Sadly, somehow, my talk of going to “vote” has been (mis)understood by my two year old as going out on a “boat.” And somehow, his talk of the “boat” has been more successful than my talk of the “vote” at convincing the four year old that this morning we are due to go out sailing on a river instead of to the elementary school down the street to cast our ballot.

I’m still sorting through the details; there are indications that they believe that Hillary Clinton will, indeed, be on the boat with us. They had a far more interesting day planned than I did.

Posted in family, parenting, politics, toddler wisdom | 6 Responses »